Stained Glass Masquerade

Something that bothers me sometimes is the fact that people in "Christian" circles like to pretend that being Christian equals being perfect. It's not true and I know for a fact that it discourages Christians as well as non Christians who therefore deduct that they could never possibly be "good enough." The point is, there is no possibility of being good enough. That's why we even need Christ in the first place. If we are supposed to be united in Christianity - then it is because we all have a common problem - and Jesus is the solution to that problem. So....why are we hiding them and pretending they don't exist?
Anyways, this song by Casting Crowns will vocalize my thoughts on this point much more eloquently...here are, the lyrics to "Stained Glass Masquerade."

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Forgive and Release....Freedom!

So this last week of DTS was our 4th week of DTS, but our 3rd week of lecture - because the first week was orientation week. I know I'm not just speaking for myself when I say that last week was a tough week but also a super amazing week. Like I wrote in my last blog post, our speaker was Ezra Griffiths, the director of YWAM Orlando. After learning about the nature and character of God for a few days, the last 2 days were spent talking about our response to it - stuff about forgiveness, release, restoration, and reconciliation. We talked about God's ways of repentance and also about hurts or wounds in our past that we may be holding onto. About how holding grudges or unforgiveness in our heart, even without consciously thinking about it, destroys us. One quote that stood out to me about forgiveness when Ezra was teaching about it in class was "Forgiveness doesn't change your past; it only unlocks your future." Holding onto old hurts in your life, whether justified or not, keeps you from living your life to the fullest in your identity in Christ. Ezra said "We have the strength in Christ to break the bonds of our past - sometimes we just don't think we have the strength, and we don't choose to be free from it. Believing lies about yourself will hinder you in your walk with Christ." He taught about how when we hear negative things about ourselves, we start living out that identity and letting it become who we are. He talked about how we can break free by that by replacing the lies in our lives with the truth of who God says we are, etc.
"God, our FATHER, desires to restore you so that your past hurts and wounds no longer negatively affect your present and future! The devil wants us to dwell on our past and the things that have been done to us or the things we have done (bad choices etc). He wants us to stay in bondage to our past and therefore believe there is no future for us - that we are worthless. God's plan - RESTORATION. Restoration means to make you brand new. 2 Corinthians 5:17. If you're in Christ, you're a new creation!"
So yeah, a lot of really relevant stuff in there about how to become free from your past. On Friday when we finished class we were supposed to split up into our small groups and go through this list Ezra gave us. For every name on the list (e.g. Father, mother, myself, friend, romantic partner, etc) we were supposed to ask God if there was anything that we were holding against that person in our hearts, and then speak it aloud and release that person to God and pray a blessing over them. It was supposed to go through the process of forgiveness - and by releasing and blessing the people invidually we would break off the chains that were destroying us by our unforgiveness. I think that as a DTS group it was a really hard day but also extremely freeing. Not everyone had huge things to forgive - sometimes it could be as basic as releasing a friend who talks about you in a negative way even when joking. The point was just to release people in your heart - anyone that you were in any way holding a grudge against. But there were some people who really experienced a breakthrough that day - for example, releasing someone who had done something horrible 7 years ago and had never been forgiven. For them, it was a day of real release and being done with the destruction of unforgiveness - in some cases, calling people or writing letters to make restitution for stuff that had happened years ago or even all their life! It was amazing to see people so happy by just the seemingly simple act of forgiving the people who had ever hurt them.
For me, I just couldn't really think of anything I needed to forgive anyone for. While everyone was in their small groups going through this forgiveness process, at one point I went to McD's for lunch with Ezra. I was telling him a bit about the way I felt that there was really nobody I needed to forgive for anything, and he said "I feel like the hardest person for you to release in your heart and forgive is yourself." We kept talking for awhile, but i didn't really process that until later. I realized that for me, that was very true. The person that I hate the most is actually myself. I've messed up my life and made bad decisions, and I hate myself for it. But I have kinda realized especially in class last week that self-hatred and telling yourself that God can't forgive you and can't use you is a huge trick that the devil uses to keep you stuck in a rut and keep you from fulfilling God's purpose for your life completely. So bit by bit, I'll work on forgiving myself - and also people in my life who have hurt me in the past. I just need to break the chains off my life and focus my eyes on God - so I can live my life in the complete fullness of who he made me to be!
After the forgiveness session got done on Friday, Jordan and Josh got baptized by Mark in the ocean! It was an amazing way to end the day and the week of class. Pretty much everyone on the base walked down to the ocean where both Jordan and Josh told everyone why they wanted to be baptized. We all watched as the two of them walked out into the deeper water with Mark and Wilson and were baptized right there in the Atlantic Ocean! Then at the last moment, Wilson decided to be baptized too. It was an awesome declaration of a new giving over of their lives to God and the beginning of a new start.
The weekend was a pretty normal one here at the base. On Sunday I went with Mark and a few other students to this megachurch in Jacksonville (30,000 members). It was a Baptist church and had a HUGE orchestra and a massive choir! It was a good service. Then on Sunday night we all went to Mark and Janet's house for a cookout, which was fun.
This week starting today we have Sean Yost as a speaker, and he's teaching on the topic of relationships. We've only had one day of class so far, but I really like him as a speaker too! So far he's been talking about our relationship with God and how it's a priority. Also about love, what it means, and how it's the central part of a relationship. Some good stuff from class today..."God wants us to learn to know Him and love Him - He wants our relationship with Him to be the basis of every relationship we have with each other."
"Most of the problems in the world are problems of relationship. Broken relationships - governments, spouses, God, children, friends, etc. So - we need to make having right relationships a priority! James 3:16, 4:1-3. Matthew 22:34-40. ALL = everything. Not just some! Love with everything you have in you. Love God, Love People!! The whole Bible is broken down into relationships. What relationships in your life do you need to re-align?"
"We live in a culture where we elevate self-promotion. That's not what Jesus' life was about and it's not what we're called to be. The law seeks limits, but love seeks outlets. Living by the law - we want to do the least possible amount we can get away with. Living by love - we want to do the most we can! We seek outlets to pour out love on the people we are serving."
So yeah, that's this week! This afternoon we have an outreach group meeting - we're starting to learn about Muslims and what they believe versus what we believe, about the culture and how to effectively witness in an Islam nation. I'm getting pretty excited about spending a few months in the Middle East! Also I can't believe that we're already a third of the way through the lecture phase....it doesn't seem nearly that long!
More song lyrics....:) This is getting to be a tradition. But there's this really amazing song that was played in worship a few days ago which just has the most beautiful lyrics! It's called "Beautiful Things" by Gungor.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new

Jordan's Baptism!

Josh's Baptism!

Wilson's Baptism!

You Never Let Go

We're almost halfway through our 4th week here at the base and it seems like just a few days ago that we got here. Already so much has happened individually in my personal life and also as we grow together in community, learn new things, and conquer as a group.
Trying to think what in particular has happened in the last week or so...the usual crazy life of YWAM'ers I guess. Our intense week 3 ended, for one thing. I was pretty relieved to have all the work of that week behind me. The weekend consisted of the usual random stuff we do around here - aka cafe ministry, beach life, food, football, movies, etc. The guys went hunting for snakes and alligators on Sunday at a park and ended up bringing a baby alligator back to the base. It was so cute! Justin was cuddling it all day pretty much and it bit Wilson. The video of that is pretty great. Jordan accidentally wiped his butt with poison ivy that same day, so he ended up in the hospital because he couldn't sleep on Saturday night. He was supposed to go with a group of students going to a church in Lake City on Sunday morning to do dramas and talk about missions, but he couldn't because he was at the hospital, so Judah had to go and play his part in the Redeemer drama instead. Then it was hilarious because on Monday the new speaker for some reason asked "Did God make poison ivy?" as a rhetorical question and the entire classroom burst out in hysterical laughter. He was like "...whaaaa?" It was great. But then on the way back from Lake City which is like an hour and a half drive, the van broke down, so they had to wait for people to come get them. Oh well, they did tell us at the beginning that there was one key word to YWAM: Flexibility. Haha and they were right.
So yup, that was the weekend in a nutshell. On Monday morning we were sitting in class waiting for our speaker to get there from Orlando. He walked in the door, put his backpack down and started teaching right away. It was great. His name is Ezra Griffiths and the topic he's teaching on this week is the father heart of God. He told us his story for the first part of class Monday morning and it was quite the story! Told in such a funny way that I cried laughing at some parts, but yet an extremely powerful story and awesome to see how far God's brought him.I think at least for me personally it made me much more interested to hear what he had to say, because it's not like he's some person who's been in a Christian bubble all his life. He's been through all the world had to offer and knows God's the real deal. So far the material he's been teaching on involves stuff like God's character and nature, knowing God as opposed to just knowing about God, the revelation of God's Word in relation with the revelation of God in our hearts, and then today alot about trusting God with everything you are and have. He talked about the "worries of the world" that keep us from doing what God really wants us to do. So far I really like this week's classes. It's really challenging me to a closer intimate relationship with God on a daily basis, not just a head knowledge. Also to really look at my life and identify the specific things in my life that stop me from following after God wholeheartedly.
Next weekend we're off to Cincinnati, Ohio for the "Finish" conference! Should be an awesome roadtrip and also a sweet conference. Robby Dawkins is speaking, apparently he's pretty famous. I've never heard of him though.
In small groups today my small group carved pumpkins! I've never done that before hahah and I still don't know why people enjoy doing that every October, but it was fun. I carved the Canucks logo into it with "Canucks" carved under the logo. Nobody had any idea what it was except Sergei hahaha, but I thought it was cool anyway.
Other than that...the last week or so has been tough for me. I guess I kinda thought for awhile that God would take hard stuff away from me because I was trying to follow Him or something stupid like that. Someone pointed out to me that it doesn't necessarily go away, but your relationship with God gives you Someone who will never leave you and who will always be with you through it. I heard a super powerful testimony this last weekend - actually completely randomly stumbled across it on youtube - that changed me. I related to it so very much and it gave me hope that God does indeed "heal the brokenhearted and bind their wounds." I know I'm definitely not the only student here who has problems - wounds, broken hearts and stuff like that. But I also have seen God working in so many of us here already and doing specific stuff in their hearts and changing them and healing them. And I know He will continue to do so, in them and also in me. I really believe that not a single one of us who came here to do this DTS, no matter what the reason behind doing it was, will leave after the 5 months the same as they were before they came. God's changing us all so radically and I know He's far from done.
Tonight I got the opportunity to spend awhile walking with Morgan. We had a really good conversation and God really used her to speak into my life. Also the last few days, not specifically through a single person or anything, but it's just been popping up alot, this concept - that God relentlessly pursues us. And that although there might be times when you turn from Him, He doesn't turn from you. Although there might be times that you feel hopelessly alone, He's right there with you even if you might not feel Him. There's a song that we sing in morning worship alot, and the words have really spoke to me. it's called "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman. The lyrics....
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
(Chorus:)
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth
(Chorus)
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

That song speaks such a powerful message and encompasses so many parts of the Christian life. It's so full of praise and hope. I just love it so much! I need to be constantly filling your mind with God's truth to replace the devil's lies. 
Mmmmyeah. I think that's all I have to write about at the moment. I miss all you people in Abbotsford and everywhere else I know people. But I really do that where I am right now is where God wants me and it's where I need to be. Yes it's tough sometimes but overall it's been a great experience so far and it's only gonna get deeper. I'm excited to see what else God is going to do by the end of the school! He's giving us so many stories to share with the world already.  

Typical weekend at YWAM Jax...

 

 

 

My Vancouver Canucks pumpkin! CANADA REPRESENT!!

Week 3!

Oops, I didn't even realize I haven't posted anything in almost a week. I guess I should do something about that. This week has been insanely busy so far. But, I should pick up where I left off. On Friday night I went with half of the DTS students to this huge youth conference type thing in Jacksonville called YouthQuake Live. YWAM Jax had a booth there so some of the staff went too to do that. It was a really great conference. About 3,000 teenagers in one building and the worship was insane! There was dramas too and a speaker. The topic of the night was "Christian-ish", based on that verse in Revelation where it says "because you are neither hot nor cold, I will spew you out of my mouth". Everything that was part of the conference revolved around that theme. Which I think is a really good topic for teens today, that you really can't sit on the fence when it comes to being a Christian. Either you need to be totally sold out and passionate about it, or you don't have anything to do with it at all. You shouldn't just be "Christian" whenever it's comfortable for you. Anyway, I really liked that conference. It was alot of fun too.
Saturday night there was another show at Freebird Live right next door, so the streets were filled with the sounds of music and also with homeless people and everyone drunk, high and wasted. A group called "Crucial Ministries" came to the cafe and did a program for saturday night ministry in there. They had worship music going and one guy was doing a mime. That was cool. It was pretty stormy here over the weekend, the winds were so high it was ridiculous and it poured sometimes. On Sunday a bunch of us went murfing (air mattress surfing) and later that night I went swimming with some people. Although apparently that wasn't safe and the beach was closed because the waves were so crazy that it was dangerous. Oops. But thankfully none of us died or anything, so I guess it's all good...:)
Yeah, so that was the weekend. There is seriously football on the screen all weekend here. It should really be replaced with some hockey sometime.
This week we have a speaker who is teaching us the inductive method of studying the Bible. We're studying the book of Acts. We have double classes this week plus homework, which changes up our schedule and makes us pretty busy. It's a pretty intense way to study the bible with 3 steps: observation, interpretation and application. We started by reading the whole book of Acts out loud while colorcoding geographical places. That took one whole class (3 hours). Then in the afternoon class we started with dividing up the book into paragraphs with paragraph titles, then sections with titles, then divisions, etc. Moving on from there we've started with the interpretation step, which is alot of reading and studying and colorcoding. We also split up into 3 groups and for the afternoon class today we were supposed to as a group write a paper on the topic we were given and also prepare a 10-minute presentation for tomorrow. My group got the topic of "the Jews' attitude and relation to unclean animals" (because of Paul's vision of the sheet with unclean animals in it, right before he goes to Cornelius' house). We found it to be a bit of a difficult topic, and i had no idea how hard it is to try to write a paper with a group of about 7 or 8 people, but we finally got the paper written and the presentation is gonna be pretty funny. So that's class this week! We also have a bunch of memorizing and a book report to get done by Friday, so that plus class homework and work duties is keeping us on our toes. Next week I have no idea off the top of my head who's teaching, or what the topic is.
One quick thing, I was reading The Message version of the Bible during my quiet time today. I don't always read that, infact i usually read my NIV bible, but sometimes I like to read the message or compare it to my NIV. I like the Message sometimes, because it's the Bible put into such modern day language that I can understand it super easily. Anyways, the Bible reading plan on my iPod landed on Psalm 88 today in The Message. I guess it just struck me that even people in the Bible had such negative emotions at times, and that even in this example although David was a king and wrote alot of extolling and happy psalms, he didn't always feel that way. Here it is...Psalm 88, The Message


God, you're my last chance of the day.
I spend the night on my knees before you.
   Put me on your salvation agenda;
      take notes on the trouble I'm in.
   I've had my fill of trouble;
      I'm camped on the edge of hell.
   I'm written off as a lost cause,
      one more statistic, a hopeless case.
   Abandoned as already dead,
      one more body in a stack of corpses,
   And not so much as a gravestone—
      I'm a black hole in oblivion.
   You've dropped me into a bottomless pit,
      sunk me in a pitch-black abyss.
   I'm battered senseless by your rage,
      relentlessly pounded by your waves of anger.
   You turned my friends against me,
      made me horrible to them.
   I'm caught in a maze and can't find my way out,
      blinded by tears of pain and frustration.
 ^9-12 I call to you, God; all day I call.
      I wring my hands, I plead for help.
   Are the dead a live audience for your miracles?
      Do ghosts ever join the choirs that praise you?
   Does your love make any difference in a graveyard?
      Is your faithful presence noticed in the corridors of hell?
   Are your marvelous wonders ever seen in the dark,
      your righteous ways noticed in the Land of No Memory?
^13-18 I'm standing my ground, God, shouting for help,
      at my prayers every morning, on my knees each daybreak.
   Why, God, do you turn a deaf ear?
      Why do you make yourself scarce?
   For as long as I remember I've been hurting;
      I've taken the worst you can hand out, and I've had it.
   Your wildfire anger has blazed through my life;
      I'm bleeding, black-and-blue.
   You've attacked me fiercely from every side,
      raining down blows till I'm nearly dead.
   You made lover and neighbor alike dump me;
      the only friend I have left is Darkness.

The group I wrote the paper and did a presentation with. This is one of the pictures for the presentation. And yes, the girl in the bikini and the guy with the longboard are statues :P

The Power of Blood

This last week of class has been good, but the last day or so has been absolutely incredible. Our speaker for class this week was Art Collins, who by the way is such a great speaker. He makes time just fly by. The topic for the week was the Incarnation, Cross and Resurrection of Christ. But we took super long to get through the incarnation, and only started the cross today. We looked at all the prophecies that were predicted and fulfilled through Jesus' life on earth and his death on the cross. We looked at all the objections to the truth of the story of the cross and the validity of the Bible. I got so many new insights and evidence for the actual truth of the cross, and also learned alot in the incarnation about the Trinity and Jesus' dual identity as both God and man.
Yesterday afternoon, we had student led intercession. No staff there, and just us students were spending time, waiting for God to show us what He wanted us to know or see. I've struggled for a long time with life, life's purpose and reason and everything like that. Anyway, yesterday I randomly opened up a Bible and read this verse from Psalm 118:17: "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." For me that was amazing. It's like...a life purpose in a nutshell. Because that's really why we're here on this earth - to proclaim to the people who don't yet know what God has done for us! Later on in that same hour, I had my eyes closed and I saw Jesus' wrist on the cross, with a nail through his hand and blood dripping down his wrist. Then I saw his face and it looked so pained and full of such an incredible hurt. All of a sudden I realized that Jesus had that blood running down his wrist so I wouldn't have to. It's his blood that can give me a release, not my own.
Like I just can't believe what's even happening in my life. We're just finishing up the 2nd week of DTS and i already feel so different. I see God working all around me and I just can't get away from his engulfing love. He's breaking me but at the same time I feel like I'm being healed and washed and I'm becoming clean. It's such a new and such an amazing feeling.
Then tonight, oh my gosh. All of us students as a conclusion to the classes on the cross, watched the Passion of the Christ. I'd never seen it. Honestly at the beginning I was fighting to stay awake, I was tired and it just wasn't that interesting. But as it went along it wasn't long before it started gripping me. I was absolutely blown away. I just had absolutely no idea. I've never seen it or thought it to be so real. i couldn't even describe right now the emotions that went through me because of that movie. There were parts where I literally wanted to get up and scream. I don't think my mouth closed pretty much the entire movie. My heart hurt so much. it was absolutely indescribable. It's just depicted in such a way that oh my gosh, it blew my mind. I just cannot even imagine the pain and the hurt and the mocking and every single thing that Jesus took without even complaining once, without a single thought of anger. He had the power of God, He could've stopped them at any point. But He didn't. He chose to be whipped senseless and kicked to the ground over and over again. He chose to have his blood splattered all over the place. He chose to fall under the weight of carrying His own cross. He chose to be left entirely alone. He chose to allow His own creations to kill Him! He chose to be separated from His Father. I just don't see what He could've possibly seen in me that He would want to do that just to save me, of his own free will. Like I honestly do not know the meaning of love, because that is love. And everything else just seems to miniscule and unimportant compared to what Jesus did on that cross. We're scared to tell other people about Jesus because they might think we're weird. But how stupid is that when you think of what Jesus went through! The most excruciating, dragged-out horrible torture and death you could ever imagine. I could not possibly love Jesus nearly as much as He obviously loves me. I just can't see a way that I could continue living life the same. I just couldn't. Jesus has literally given me life, and there's no way I can take it for granted. I've gotta give Him back everything He's so lovingly lavished on me. I can't see myself doing anything else with my life other than using every moment of every day to serve Jesus and try my very best to do exactly what He wants me to do. After the movie ended nobody moved for awhile, and then people just slowly started leaving quietly. I didn't move from where I was sitting for a good 45 minutes. I was just absolutely speechless. Seeing Passion of the Christ changed the way I view the cross. I seriously never knew just how real and horrible that was. People are all about cross necklaces and cross this and cross that, but I for one never realized what was all entailed with the cross, the central point of everything we believe in. I've been to Israel, I've walked down that same road Jesus walked carrying His cross. I've been to his tomb and Calvary and Gethsemane and everything. But then it meant nothing to me. Now I just can't describe how much the cross breaks me inside. I don't think I will ever see it the same way again.

Beach and Class aren't supposed to go together..

So living on the beach pretty much beats living anywhere else. Just saying. If you're not living here right now you should be extremely jealous. I got to go surfing this past weekend for the first time everrr! As a DTS we did this thing called "Epic Surf Camp" on Saturday morning. It was so incredibly awesome! I actually got up after not that many wipeouts and proceded to have a blast despite the wind and crapiness of being forced to wake up early on a weekend to go surfing, of all things! Kidding but seriously, it was so much fun. Also it's extremely fun to just bounce out to the beach literally anytime you have a break inbetween classes or after class or at night - for quiet time, walking and talking, swimming, boarding, beach volleyball and soccer. It's such a gorgeous place.
Anyway, this weekend was fun. Other than surf camp, alot of my weekend was taken up by watching football, which i don't even understand or enjoy in the least. I think we watched a few movies, and bounced around town a bit and went out to eat. We have to go to a stupid laundromat if we want clean clothes, which sucks because it takes so much time! In the evenings of the weekend we chilled in the cafe here with homeless people. That's actually so cool to do and it's crazy how those people just love the feeling of someone being interested in them. One of the homeless guys was "teaching" Winston and Judah his ways of playing guitar. Man did he ever love that! On sunday a bunch of us went to this outdoor church. Not really a church, more a random lady that God called to go out and preach the gospel to the people going to the beach every sunday morning. that was different for sure but it was good. So yeah, I decided i'm a huge fan of weekends here. Curfew is later, the classroom magically becomes a hangout and movie watching room, the meals are different, and you can sit around all day and not have to worry about any schedule. I really love the whole community concept of living here. How everyone lives on the same schedule and on the same rules and everything. It's so awesome because it makes us all so much more united because we're mostly all doing the same thing at the same time. And then when we have unscheduled time we are free to just go wherever with whoever, and nobody really gets left out unless they want to. I love the people here so much already and they are seriously like my family. As a group of students we're already so close to each other and have shared so much together already and are so comfortable around each other. it's crazy to think how much closer we're going to get over the next 5 months. Because this adventure's only just barely started!
Today we got to hear our speaker for the week for the first time in class. His name is Art Collins and let me tell you, he is HILARIOUS! Pretty much had us all in stitches an hour into class. Our topic for this week is the incarnation, cross and resurrection of Christ. He'll teach us about that every class this week and then next week for class we'll have a different speaker and a new topic. After work duties this afternoon Art took a whole bunch of us out to Yogaberry and treated us all to frozen yogurt and then told us hilarious stories. That was awesome!
Tonight all us girls went to this conference/worship type night called "Women Alive." The topic was human trafficking and the sex trade. We watched a movie about it and heard a testimony from a lady who God had healed from being in prostitution. After that we had worship and prayer. It was a pretty moving night.
After that, we came back to the base and watched Modern Family with the guys. the end. i'm going to bed. good night.
Oops, wait, not yet. Prayer request, one of the DTS students (Jordan) got word at around lunch today that his dad had a stroke. He left right away to drive home to Georgia, and another student (Justin) went with him for moral support. We heard from Jordan tonight that his dad isn't doing as badly as he thought, so that's good. But just pray for Jordan and his family that his dad would recover quickly and that the family would pull together and that Justin would be given the right words to say and the strength to be to Jordan what he needs to be. also that Jordan's dad would be doing well enough soon that Jordan and Justin can quickly come back to the school and keep learning and growing. so yeah, NOW i'm going to bed!

Take my Hand

I really hate typing so much, but there really is so much to say! it's been another amazing few days. Well I gotta say, the nights more than the days haha. Today we worked on dramas all day again and finally finished The Redeemer! Woooooo! So happy about that. It's such a freaking powerful drama and it's so great how you can express the entire story of salvation through just 10 minutes, no words involved. there's certain parts of it that i just get into a whole lot because they're just so powerful. the first part where i'm just partying, not so much. but later, when we get to the part where the sin makes a wall between man and God, and then the part where we're tormenting Man...and Jesus steps in and takes the blackness of sin on Himself and allows us to torment him so man can be set free. I find it the easiest part of the drama to act is the whipping Jesus, the crown of thorns, and nailing him to the cross. It's so easy to act just because it's so powerful! That God would allow His creations to put him through the ultimate pain and separation from his father, why? because He loved man, his creations who he made, who screwed up and didn't deserve it at all. I guess it's easy to act because I see myself doing that in real life. What I've done is the reason Jesus went through that pain.Anyway, after the crucifixtion scene, we're about to envelop Man completely in sin when Jesus rises again. We crouch in terror, and Jesus reaches out to man and pulls him up out of sin's grip. As Man is pulled up by Jesus, the vest representing sin is torn off and we fall to the ground because Jesus is stronger!
Okay, so tonight. We're chilling in the classroom, Apps, Josh, Judah, Ansley, Alex and me. We're playing this really hilarious game called Quelf, when Josh is like "guys, i feel like we need to go pray for people". so we all go outside and sit in the park and start praying. there's this thing called freebird live literally right next door to us, and you would not believe the volume of the screamo music coming out of there on weekend nights. it's insane. we're sitting right across the road from that and we decide to start intercession, asking God to show us where to go, what to do, what He wants us to do. We asked the Holy Spirit to come fill us. It was amazing, we could feel it coming down on us. The screamo music actually got so quiet that we could hear each other talk without yelling, i have no idea how that happened. We were all laughing just with the joy of being filled up and overflowing. Then we waited in silence for God to put what He wanted in our minds. After a bit stuff started coming out...girl in pink, umbrella, orange, stripe, Jamrock. So we start walking towards this bar and grill down the road called Jamrock. and what do you know, we see a lady in a pink shirt sitting at the only table that has an umbrella over it. Alex walks up to her and starts talking. Her husband siting with her was wearing a striped shirt. Turns out they used to be missionaries, we had a nice conversation with them. We affirmed them and they encouraged us on our mission and we prayed together. Next we started talking to this homeless guy whose name is ironically, Free. We listened to his stories about his time in the army and in jail, we shared about Jesus. We prayed for him....he had something wrong with his shoulder and we prayed for it. Afterwards he said that he couldn't even feel it. We went on like that until we eventually got back to the base, and we went to the classroom again to pray. We were listening to this worship song when Alex decides that God wants her to go sing on the street corner. So Apps goes with her, she takes her ipod and earphones, and sings her heart out right across the street from this huge clubhouse party thing with deafening screamo music and everyone just partying. It was awesome. A bit later I went out with Jordan and Josh, talked to some more people. We all ended up on that street corner where Alex was still singing. The rest of us sat on the street in a circle and just start praying and singing. Everyone on the deck at the party across the street, and there was alot, were staring at us. Just staring, it was so weird! At first they yelled and laughed and told us to shut up. We yelled back that God loves them. They were fascinated. At one point we all sang Amazing Grace at the top of our lungs, and everyone at the party up on the deck stopped talking. People walking by on the street looked at us super weird, but i didn't care. None of us did. We talked to whoever would talk to us, prayed with people, and sang. It was amazing. We were all filled up to the top and overflowing. Let me tell you, stepping out of our comfort zone tonight and being willing to go and do what God wanted us to tonight was SO MUCH FUN!! it was funner than chilling with each other. Because I really believe that's what happens when you let God do what He wants with you. When you're no longer afraid to go up to random people and talk to them, to walk into scary bars and places just to find people who need to hear about Jesus. When you no longer care when people laugh at you, or look at you funny, or stare at you, or think you're a freak. When you're so overflowing with Jesus' love that you can hug a homeless person and not even think twice. It had such an impression on all of us and made us want to go out and change the world right then and there.
Another super cool story for me. Last night I was walking around with Apps and I started telling him about how my testimony isn't really complete because I don't have a before and after picture. My life and my sin has actually gotten worse lately instead of better, and isn't there something wrong with that? doesn't that mean something's not right between you and God? Anyway, we sat down on a curb (we're super good at just praying in the street now, incase you didnt already pick up on that hahahaha) and he prayed that God would show me whether that was the voices of fear and doubt speaking and trying to take away my assurance of God's control over my life, or whether it was actually something I needed to make right with God. He kept saying that God's hand is reached out towards me and that I need to choose to drop the chains that still hold me back from God's perfect and beautiful and holy and awesome and purposeful plan for my life. and it started really making sense to me, like YES it's the voice of satan telling me that i'm a failure, that i have no purpose, that God won't forgive me. But somehow I wouldn't believe it was a lie. I wanted to hold onto my feelings of self-hate and not living life. Those feelings had a pretty strong hold on me, not gonna lie. For so long I've let the devil get more and more of a foothold. I've let him whisper crap in my ear about not mattering to anyone, not having a purpose, being invisible, being horrible and ugly and everything else. I've taken it as the truth and implanted it into my mind until I believed every ounce of it. I've never realized it was satan trying to kill, steal and destroy me. Then later, Apps told me a story of a dream he had once. it's a man sitting in ashes in a prison cell dressed in rags. outside the prison cell is heaven. God sitting at the table with a huge feast. God comes over to the man in the prison cell and says, come to the feast i made for you! and the prison cell is open, but man sees it closed. man says 'God, i can't, i'm dressed in rags' and God says 'no you're not, look at yourself! you're beautiful! you're perfect! i love you!' but man looks down and only sees rags. He's blinded to the truth. I felt so pulled but yet so torn. I couldn't. This morning during worship they were singing this song "shout it out from the rooftops that I am Yours" and i got this sinking feeling in my heart that I couldn't sing that because i'm not completely God's. There's parts of me that I'm holding back from him. Still I was held back. Tonight, i was praying in that park with like 5 other students, asking God to speak to us for what we were about to do. We start praying asking for the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill us up and He came down in such a tangible way that we could all feel him. As I waited with my eyes closed I saw an arm outstretched. Like that famous painting where God's hand is reaching towards Peter's. Except I just saw God's hand. At that moment the chains of my heart broke. JESUS IS STRONGER!! I prayed, I gave every last part of me to God, I told Him how much i freaking love him because i do. I'm done trying to take care of my own life, because it doesn't work. the devil had his chance but that is over. I belong only to God and every last part of me is His to control and take care of. And I'm gonna work on not even letting that stupid devil get even one little tiny foothold in my mind. Because life's worth living because Jesus is in it. Jesus is it. He's all I want, He's all I need, He's the real deal. I took his hand tonight for real and I'm never letting go. I cant remember the last time I was this pumped about life. It's actually been never.

Story of my current life: New

So many new things! Like seriously it's so insanely awesome. New roommates! for the first time ever, i have roommates. And a room key! I just loveee carrying around my own room key, like seriously you guys have no idea. New relationships, new concepts, new temperatures, new skills to learn..the list doesn't end. this saturday I get to learn how to surf, so excited!
Anyways, what I really wanna blog about tonight is the crazy insane thing that we learned about in class this morning. This word called "intercession," defined by "holy, believing, perservering prayer whereby someone pleads with God on behalf of another who desperately needs God's intervention." I've heard that word before, and always assumed it was a fancy theological word for prayer. Well maybe for some people it is, but apparently not for YWAM! Nope, the concept we learned today was absolutely new to me. I've never thought of it like how they described it. Basically that you don't pray about what you think you should pray about. You give that to God and wait for Him to show you things to pray about, and pray back to Him what He's given you. Since I suck at explaining stuff, here's the 10 kinda "steps" of intercession that we went through. Not steps really, but more of a guideline or way of understanding. Oh, here's the headline: "Principles for Effective Intercession":
1. Praise God for who He is, and for the privilege of engaging in the same wonderful ministry as the Lord Jesus. Praise God for the privilege of co-operating with Him in the affairs of mankind through prayer.
2. Make sure your heart is clean before God by having given the holy spirit time to convict, should there be any unconfessed sin.
3. Acknowledge that you cannot fully pray without the direction and energy of the holy spirit, ask God to utterly control you by his spirit, receive by faith the reality that he does, and thank him.
4. Deal aggressively with the enemy. Come against him in the all powerful name of the Lord Jesus Christ and with the sword of the spirit (the word of God)
5. Die to your own imaginations, desires and burdens for what you feel you should pray about.
6. Praise God now in faith for the remarkable prayer meeting you're going to have. He is a remarkable God, and we should do something consistent with His character.
7. Wait before God in silent expectancy, listening for His direction.
8. In obedience and faith, utter what God brings to your mind, believing. Keep asking God for direction, expecting Him to give it to you. He will. Make sure you don't move to the next subject until you've given God time to discharge all He wants to say regarding this burden, especially when praying in a group. Be encouraged by the lives of Moses, Daniel, Paul and Anna, knowing that God gives revelation to those who make intercession a way of life. 
9. If possible, have your bible with you should God want to give you direction or confirmation from it.
10. When God ceases to bring things to your mind for which to pray, finish by praising and thanking Him for what He has done, reminding yourself of Romans 11:36: "For through Him and from Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen."
Honestly, to me this was just class. Until they said we were gonna split up into 4 groups and go do it. We were randomly numbered off and my group decided to go sit on a concrete walkway in a park across the street. We went through the first few steps, praying prayers of adoration and asking the holy spirit to come join us and convict us and prepare our hearts. Then we were silent for a good while. When Apps randomly said "Guys, this is gonna sound weird, but I see a fireman with a helmet on. He's looking at the ark of the covenant, I think. His eyes are fixed on it and they're looking nowhere else even though there's flames all around him." I honestly was looking at him a bit weird right then. Like seriously Apps? fireman? we're supposed to be having intercession. praying. we don't pray about firemen.
Apparently, we do. Almost immediately, we heard a fire truck. It was silent again for a bit as we the group started praying into that. Courtney said after a bit that she felt confirmation that it's a warning. that we as christians need to keep our eyes really fixed on God, and take them off everything else, especially during these 5 months of our dts. So we spent time in prayer for that. Josh heard just one word in his mind: "Listen." Then Jordan jumped in and said "I see a brick wall. I think it means that me, or someone else, has some kind of wall in their life that needs to come down for God to really work. Also in front of the brick wall I saw a bible in a glass case. It was open to a page but I couldn't see what page." That was when I said "Jordan, I think God wants you to know and to share with us what that verse was. some things God means to be unknown, but not this" so we were all quiet again. After a few minutes Jordan said "Psalms." Apps asked "where?" and Jordan said "i dont know what this says, but Psalm 108:7" He looked it up and started reading. The first part said "God has spoken in His sanctuary". Right when he read that, we heard a firetruck again. Let me just tell you, we went beserk. It was insane. We spent time in prayer for those things. Then Alex said "I'm the person behind the brick wall. There's something coming inbetween me andGod, I know what it is, I just really don't want to do it" We prayed for her, and God has already given her the courage to break that wall down. I'm so proud of her and i love her so much already!! Anyway, that was intercession. So crazy, we took 15 minutes longer than we were supposed to to get back to class, and everyone was waiting for us. but we didn't care, we could not stop smiling. When the other groups shared what had come to their minds, there were connections that could be made even inbetween what each individual group had experienced. It was amazing! I know my group was so pumped, we wanted to do this every day.
Other stuff happened in today's schedule, but we also had ministry group meetings this afternoon. Basically all the DTS students are split up into 2 groups which stay the same for the 3 months. There's a cafe pretty much right on base, my group gets it on saturday night. Pretty much as a group we decide what to do with it. We can go out on teh streets, talk to people, bring people into the cafe, do prayer tables, music, poster boards, whatever we come up with and want to do. and this part of town where the base is, is ideal for street ministry. like let me tell you, it is party central here on the weekends. Mainly because the beach is literally a 2 second walk from the base, all you see around here is surf shops and people in bathing suits with surfboards and on bikes. Lots of bars around here, lots of homeless people. Especially on the weekends, people wander around on the streets alot. So yeah, I'm excited for that. We didn't really figure out too much today but hopefully we'll get a feel for it and also for each other and different talents and abilities that we could work together to use to do that in the most effective way.
Oooooh! Last thing I wanna blog about before I stop annoying my roomates at this time of night with my clicking keyboard. I had a ridiculously awesome night tonight! I went on a 4 hour adventure with the most unique dude you will ever meet, pretty much guaranteed. His name is Apps, yes he even has a unique name. We walked down the beach a looooong ways, talking about and processing stuff that happened today. Then he started telling me his life story and I couldn't believe the similarities to mine. We were going to walk down the pier, but it cost money, which is dumb. so then we kept walking along the beach, when we saw in the sunset light this awesome-looking cross on top of a church. We were like "do you wanna go look at it?" and so we ran up there and we heard music, so we walked inside (still with bare feet covered in sand). They were having a worship practice, so we sat down and sang along with them for awhile. And wouldn't you believe the verse hanging on the wall! Romans 8:38-39. Of course. After awhile we left there and decided to walk back to the base on teh streets instead of the beach. So we're walking down the streets barefoot and still talking. He finished his life story so I started mine. From meeting him you would have no idea how much in common we actually have! It was incredible to just talk about life and spiritual warfare and so many so awesome important things. I am just so inspired by the amount of passion and joy that just flows right out of him all the time. I think all of us love it, and also the way he most commonly calls God "Daddy" when he's praying. It's so cool. It's a really vulnerable thing to call God. Anyway, we got distracted and realized we'd walked too far and were past the base. So we turned around, and as we're talking these 2 guys are walking past us, and one of them is like "hey dude, you gonna drink all night?" Apps was like "nah man, i don't drink." so he was like "who're you lying to, you gonna smoke then?" and Apps was like "no, i don't smoke either" and so they were like "so what you guys doing then?" and we're like "we're just talking" and they're like "ohhh..." so we told them a bit about ywam and the cafe stuff and had a bit of a conversation. When they were about to leave Apps asked if we could pray for them, and they were like "yeah, sure" and knelt right down on the street. So we did too, and we just prayed for them. After we left I turned to him and said "there was definitely a reason we walked too far". So then we went back to the base, got money, walked to a dairy queen, kept talking, and got icecream. While Apps struck up a conversation with the cashier about beavers. Not surprising. Anyway, it was the randomest combination of things I have probably ever done. but it was so fun! And so cool to see God even in the little things.
Oops, I said that was the last thing. I lied. TOMORROW! we have to know where we're going on outreach by tomorrow lunch. for anyone who actually reads this far down in this stupid post, pray for us as students. For guidance for those who don't yet have a clue, for conviction for those who do, and just that God would guide every student to make the right decision on where He wants us to go. I'm pretty sure I know where I'm supposed to be going, but it's not the easy choice for me. In alot of ways I want to go to the other place, but I really want it to be only God's leading. But if I had my choice we would NOT split up for outreach. like that would just be the ultimate awesomeness, if we didnt have to choose and if we didn't have to leave some people that we're really going to be connecting with and growing to love over the next 3 months behind. So yeah, just pray for God to release everything involved with that.
So yeah, I'm going to bed now. PS Being a canadian in america KINDA SUCKS sometimes. ha.

YES!!

Today I moved into my new home for the next 5 months! well, 3 months, until I go on outreach. It's a pretty tiny room for 4 people - about the size of my own room at home. There's 2 bunk beds, and the space inbetween the top and bottom bunk is seriously like 2 inches high. Then there's a closet, a tiny bathroom, a microwave, a fridge, and, thank heaven, AC! I got here this afternoon and unpacked. I have three sweet roommates...Ansley, Bekah and Victoria. I think we're gonna get along wonderfully. Just for the record, there's 18 students...10 guys and 8 girls. There's 4 girls to a room and the guys have two rooms with the middle wall smashed down so it's 10 guys in one big room. Let's see if I can remember all the names....me, Ansley, Bekah, Victoria, Morgan, Kristine, Cassy, Alexandria, Daniel, Jordan, Apps, John, Josh, Justin, Austin, Winston, Judah, and Aaron. Haha i may or may not have needed my roommates' help to remember all the names...and i have no idea how many staff there are, but they're all pretty cool so far. Anyways, we had supper at 5 in the classroom and then we had worship in the courtyard. It almost rained but barely didn't so that was awesome. We had a time of prayer where all the staff came around and prayed for us students, and then us students prayed for each other. That was awesome. After the worship ended I said goodbye to my family and us students decided to go hang out in the classroom. We went around the circle saying trivia facts, which was pretty boring until Daniel decided to share the fact that where he comes from (switzerland), they make the best chocolate, and then decided to give us all a bar:) Then we pulled a bunch of chairs out and put them in a circle and played "I have never" for awhile, which is a super fun game and a good way to get to know each other and tell alot of funny stories. After awhile we got bored of that too, and decided to instead go around the circle and share kinda like life stories, up until how we ended up at ywamjax. I had no idea that people were going to actually start being open and sharing their hearts on the very first night, but somehow that's what happened. It was so incredible to hear everyone's stories, so different but still with one common goal and somehow by God's hand had all ended up at ywamjax. When it came around to me, I just said "I have no story". Which wasn't true, but I had just met these people today. I don't trust people all that easily, and I sure wasn't going to be honest and basically turn myself inside out for these random people to see. The circle continued and someone sitting 2 seats over from me started talking, and basically had an identical story to mine except one thing. the next person that talked had been through that thing too. I was amazed by the love and support and emotion that just seemed to emanate from the entire group. Nobody was excluded, nobody said anything to condone or mock anything the person had been through. I thought, "Really? Why am I holding myself back from these people who i'm going to be spending the next 5 months with? They're here for the same reasons I am, I can trust them". Once we got around the whole circle, someone asked me if i wanted to talk. And I did. Something I've never done before with people who I barely know. I started crying probably in the second sentence and it took a bit. When i finished, I realized I wasn't the only person crying. And it wasn't just the girls who were crying either. Somebody said "Do y'all wanna pray?" and everyone in the room just got up and gathered around me. There was no awkwardness or weirdness, no sense of shame in the emotion even from the guys, absolutely nothing but together-ness and love. People held my hands, put their hands on me, and prayed for me and over me. It was absolutely incredible. My mind was seriously blown. I have never experienced that kind of love and absolute family-like sense with people I just met. Where nobody cared what anybody else thought of them because nobody was judging. I was so incredibly blessed tonight. People hugged me, prayed with me, held my hands, gave me words of encouragement, told me they were there for me. Afterwards we started moving around and doing the same for each other, praying where we were led over every student who had just shared their past, their brokenness, their hearts. What I found really amazing is that people actually openly shared with the entire group of students stuff that I would never tell anyone, except maybe one or two who i've known forever. I'm so so incredibly happy that each of us students ended up here to make an impact on each other's lives and also the lives of others. After we finished in the classroom it was dark, and we all went for a walk on the beach. Laughed, talked, shared more stories, climbed a lifeguard tower, took pictures, sang songs. I was talking to someone who told me that they thought everyone else in the DTS would be "good people". which was weird because I was worried about the same thing. That's definitely not the case. I'm so thankful for a group of people who mesh together this well and all have such a passionate heart for God! I can't wait toget to know each of them better and to grow together. i'm actually so so excited, which is something i haven't been for awhile. tonight i totally felt, finally, a sense of belonging. that this is where i'm supposed to be. I can't wait for class to start tomorrow!! I could not have picked a better group to spend half a year with. As someone said tonight, "we're leaving whatever was in our past and starting new". together. which really can be, a great place to be.

And, these are my new roommates:)

Walking Away

Which is what I'm doing in 4 hours - walking away. Running away? Maybe. Sometimes I think so. Other times I'm not sure what I'm doing. But what I do know is that for right now, I'm leaving. I think that's a bit more obvious to pretty much anyone other than me. I mean, I've known that I'm going. But I haven't really done anything to get ready until today. I've just been busy with the normal stuff that I've always done. Working the same job, seeing the same people and going the same places. I don't even think it really hit me that I was actually leaving until Saturday when I worked my last day at the lumberyard. Everyone was talking about how I was leaving and wishing me well and being way too nice. I was all of a sudden like "woah, this is the last time i'm gonna see these people that i've seen every day for such a long time in the same place." It was so weird. On Saturday night I went to this thing called Worship Invasion with a friend. It was such a super cool way of worshiping God that opened my eyes to something new. It felt like kind of a preview of the huge kaleidescope of experiences I'm headed for in the next 5 months. Then on Sunday, I went to a going-away party and went swing dancing for a girl who's headed to India for a YWAM DTS. She's leaving 2 days after me. It was lots of fun and a great chance to see a few friends before I left.
Today was a bit of a crazy day. I spent the morning packing for my horse, moving him to the place he's gonna stay for the 5 months, and bringing a huge supply of hay over there for him. Then I got a few errands and stuff cleared up, and packed. It took me less than an hour, which is a bit ridiculous considering I packed for almost half a year. I probably forgot a whole pile of stuff, but it doesn't really matter.
Then tonight I spent the evening with my best friend Jenna. I knew she was definitely the person I wanted to spend my last night in Canada with, and it was amazing. I got to see Kat for a bit while she studied, and then we went out for dinner. We laughed and talked more than we ate. Then we decided to drive to Silvercity and see a movie. We watched Cowboys and Aliens, and it was a super jumpy type scary movie. We were spazzing out so much. When that was over I could finally breathe again, so we laughed some more and talked even more and drove back to abbotsford and got coffee. All of a sudden she said "I have something for you.." and pulled out this box. A box of letters. Letters from people who I love and who mean something to me. Letters from people she didn't even know, but she knew me well enough to know the part they played in my life. I can't even say how floored I was. I was especially amazed by the fact that she knew me well enough to know that what matters to me are relationships and special words from special people. I haven't read the letters yet because I'm not supposed to read them until I get to Jacksonville. But I can't wait to read them! After I dropped Jenna off at her house, I cried all the way home. I've had a lot of heartbreaking goodbyes in my life, and this was definitely one. But not because I won't see her again, because I will. In just 5 months. I'm just sad that I have to leave behind the amazing jewel of a bestfriend that I somehow ended up with. And I have so many people in my life like that - people who care, people who don't leave even when I suck, people who are there no matter what, people who want to share in my life just because they care. and I literally don't know where I would be without each and every one of those people in my life. I've learned so incredibly much from them and I would be lost without them.
But now, I'm leaving. I'm walking away. If even for a pretty short time like 5 months, I'm going. Leaving the familiar places, familiar people, familiar lifestyle. Walking towards something that is still a vague outline in the distance. But something that I think is going to be radically life-changing.
Looking around my room I see some of the things I'm leaving behind. My grad cap is somewhere under a pile of clothes. Textbooks are laying beside my desk with a thin layer of dust already on them. My painting jeans and my work shirts are beside my bed. Horse dewormer and show ribbons are on top of my desk. My snowboard is leaning up against my wall. Music binders, trophies, and medals are laying around. My closet doors are full of pictures of my friends. They all represent stuff I'm leaving behind. Stuff that's been my life up until this point, and won't be for the next 5 months at least.
What am I walking towards? I'm not sure yet. At this point, it's all about walking away. Which is probably easier for me than for some people, because I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for a new fresh perspective and a new spin on life. I'm ready to learn life lessons and make a difference. I'm ready to meet new people and have an absolutely amazing time with them. I'm ready to start a brand new adventure and come out of it a radically different person. Not because of the place I'm in or even necessarily because of the people I'm with, but because of what God's gonna do.

Walking Away

Well, ready or not, i'm leaving. Goodbye Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada....Hello Jacksonville Beach, Florida, USA!

Trust Me

So as probably a lot of you know, I went bungee jumping this past Monday! You probably undoubtedly know this if you have me on facebook, or if i've talked to you at all since then. Cause it was ridiculously amazing! When me and my friend Francesca decided to go, it seemed pretty expensive to pay $130 to jump ff a bridge - a maybe 2 or 3-minute experience. But when it was all over, I decided it was amazingly well worth the money. It was for sure the biggest high I've ever had. And even though it was the scariest thing I've ever done and I was freaked out of my mind, it was also probably the awesomest thing I've ever done. I enjoyed it hugely and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Like I said, I was ridiculously scared. I knew I wanted to jump, because I knew it would be awesome. But my instincts screamed against it. When we got to the bridge, Cesca wanted to watch somebody jump. One of the people working there told us that if we watched someone jump, we'd never do it. So we quickly kept walking. All the screaming I kept hearing wasn't really helping much, I was freaking out.

The good thing about it, was that it all happened relatively quickly. We had to cross the bridge to get to the office. I tried not to look down. They gave us tickets, and we went to the middle of the bridge. The people working up there were super friendly and easy-going, kinda calmed me down a bit. The harness took literally 2 seconds to put on, so I was kinda worried that the thing wasn't actually on right. The guy asked me if I was ready and i said "NO!", so he gave me a little pep talk thing. "Don't give yourself any other option other than jumping," he said. "Don't even think about it. Don't even hesitate, you'll just make it worse. It's normal to be scared. Everything in you is going to tell you not to jump off that platform, but do it anyways. Once you get off that bridge it's going to be the coolest feeling in the world. Trust me."

Trust me. I'm sure he said that at least 5 times in the 5 minutes before I jumped. "Trust me, you're going to love it. Trust me, you're not going to die. Trust me, that harness is on right. Trust me, just jump." And i didn't realize until after that jumping off that bridge actually did require trust. Trust in some guy I didn't know to harness me up right so I wouldn't die. Trust in that bungee cord that it wouldn't break. Jump off the bridge 200 feet from the ground, trusting that I would get back on that bridge alive.

And a few short minutes later, I did. He asked me, "How was it?" and I said "AWESOME!" And then i watched my friend jump, and that was that.

Later, that made me start thinking alot more about trust. What exactly is it? I googled it, and found out that it is "firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something." Yessss! Such a good word. Then I remembered a few months back one of the discussions I'd had with Adam (youth pastor) about trust. I remembered him telling me to go through the Psalms and circle all the "trusts" I found in it. And that when I did, I was amazed at the number of them. There are actually no less than 71 uses of the word "trust" in the Psalms alone. That's 71 out of the total 188 "trust"s in the Bible.

So then I dug out the piece of paper that had Adam's random scribbled notes from that discussion months ago. I found those two words, "patience and trust." And then underneath that, was something written and underlined and boxed that I had kinda forgotten about. It said "I will give you what you need to get you where you need to go. Shut up and wait."

What's weird is how true that's been lately. Especially with deciding to go to YWAM so late. I think it wasn't until May when I even started thinking about doing it, and I definitely wasn't expecting to do it in September. I'm pretty sure that discussion was before YWAM even came up, at a time when I was pretty sure God didn't want me to go anywhere.

"I will give you what you need to get you where you need to go."

1. I had a youth leader who went to ywam jax, and told me about it

2. I had an amazing youth pastor who never failed to remind me of God's plan and will

3. I had a job that I liked, and my dad agreed to give me a second job until i left, so i could work lots

4. My parents agreed to let me go, with no second thoughts

5. My school gave me a bursary and two scholarships, which made it possible for me to actually go

Pretty much, so far everything has worked out incredibly well at such a short notice. I guess I can't deny that God really does have a plan for me. And that just because He doesn't show it to me all at once, doesn't mean it's not already in place since before the foundation of the world. (another Adam discussion...actually, probably more than one now that I think about it. I have a kinda thick skull).

And that quote, "I will give you what you need to get you where you need to go. Shut up and wait.", really ties those two together. The first is about trust. Just like the guy on the bungee jumping bridge, God says "Trust me. Don't try to do things your own way, don't think you have control over your own life or what you do with it. That gets you nowhere. Trust me to carry out my plan in you and trust me not to let you fall. Trust me to give you what you need, to take you to the place that I want you to be in. Trust me to pick you up when you fall, trust me to give you the people and the circumstances that you need to help pick you up when you fall and guide you in the right way. Trust me."

And the second part too is huge. Sometimes I just keep talking much too loud to hear God say anything. I get worried and confused that my life has no direction and that there's no point. when what i need to do, is shut up and wait. Wait for God's timing. not my own. There was another word just above that box on that paper, capitalized. It said "LISTEN." Shut up and wait for God to show you the way, because He sure is a whole lot smarter than I am.

so, I'm gonna keep working on patience and trust. And a month and 3 days until Florida! I'm actually getting excited to see what God wants to do with me there, because I'm pretty sure by now He wants me there.

My first blog post!

So, I decided to start this blog so I can kind-of write stuff on here while i'm at YWAM in Jacksonville, so people who want to hear about it can read it all at once. That way I won't have to write a huge long thing to everybody, cause that gets annoying. :P
Well first off, I named this blog after my favorite song at the moment. It's by one of my favorite bands, Disciple, and comes off the album "Scars Remain." The lyrics of this song mean alot to me, and it's been pretty much my theme song of the summer. Creds to Kelly N. for showing it to me for the first time, and also playing and singing it for me every time I asked. You're awesome dude:)
So anyways, I'm just gonna post the lyrics and let them speak for themselves.

Here is, "After the World", by Disciple.

You break the glass, try to hide your face
Recorded lines that just will not erase
And buried in your loss of innocence
You wonder if you'll find it again

Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off your feet?
Those were My tears falling down for you, falling down for you

I'm the One that you've been looking for
I'm the One that you've been waiting for
I've had My eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have My eyes on you after the world is no more

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade?
I want to be the One that you believe
Could take it all away, take your heart away

Isn't My life a clear sign since I have crossed over this chasm
To fill the space between Me and you?
And I will do it all over again
Just look for Me, just wait for Me

The One you've been looking for
The One you've been waiting for
You won't have to look anymore