Okay, so tonight. We're chilling in the classroom, Apps, Josh, Judah, Ansley, Alex and me. We're playing this really hilarious game called Quelf, when Josh is like "guys, i feel like we need to go pray for people". so we all go outside and sit in the park and start praying. there's this thing called freebird live literally right next door to us, and you would not believe the volume of the screamo music coming out of there on weekend nights. it's insane. we're sitting right across the road from that and we decide to start intercession, asking God to show us where to go, what to do, what He wants us to do. We asked the Holy Spirit to come fill us. It was amazing, we could feel it coming down on us. The screamo music actually got so quiet that we could hear each other talk without yelling, i have no idea how that happened. We were all laughing just with the joy of being filled up and overflowing. Then we waited in silence for God to put what He wanted in our minds. After a bit stuff started coming out...girl in pink, umbrella, orange, stripe, Jamrock. So we start walking towards this bar and grill down the road called Jamrock. and what do you know, we see a lady in a pink shirt sitting at the only table that has an umbrella over it. Alex walks up to her and starts talking. Her husband siting with her was wearing a striped shirt. Turns out they used to be missionaries, we had a nice conversation with them. We affirmed them and they encouraged us on our mission and we prayed together. Next we started talking to this homeless guy whose name is ironically, Free. We listened to his stories about his time in the army and in jail, we shared about Jesus. We prayed for him....he had something wrong with his shoulder and we prayed for it. Afterwards he said that he couldn't even feel it. We went on like that until we eventually got back to the base, and we went to the classroom again to pray. We were listening to this worship song when Alex decides that God wants her to go sing on the street corner. So Apps goes with her, she takes her ipod and earphones, and sings her heart out right across the street from this huge clubhouse party thing with deafening screamo music and everyone just partying. It was awesome. A bit later I went out with Jordan and Josh, talked to some more people. We all ended up on that street corner where Alex was still singing. The rest of us sat on the street in a circle and just start praying and singing. Everyone on the deck at the party across the street, and there was alot, were staring at us. Just staring, it was so weird! At first they yelled and laughed and told us to shut up. We yelled back that God loves them. They were fascinated. At one point we all sang Amazing Grace at the top of our lungs, and everyone at the party up on the deck stopped talking. People walking by on the street looked at us super weird, but i didn't care. None of us did. We talked to whoever would talk to us, prayed with people, and sang. It was amazing. We were all filled up to the top and overflowing. Let me tell you, stepping out of our comfort zone tonight and being willing to go and do what God wanted us to tonight was SO MUCH FUN!! it was funner than chilling with each other. Because I really believe that's what happens when you let God do what He wants with you. When you're no longer afraid to go up to random people and talk to them, to walk into scary bars and places just to find people who need to hear about Jesus. When you no longer care when people laugh at you, or look at you funny, or stare at you, or think you're a freak. When you're so overflowing with Jesus' love that you can hug a homeless person and not even think twice. It had such an impression on all of us and made us want to go out and change the world right then and there.
Another super cool story for me. Last night I was walking around with Apps and I started telling him about how my testimony isn't really complete because I don't have a before and after picture. My life and my sin has actually gotten worse lately instead of better, and isn't there something wrong with that? doesn't that mean something's not right between you and God? Anyway, we sat down on a curb (we're super good at just praying in the street now, incase you didnt already pick up on that hahahaha) and he prayed that God would show me whether that was the voices of fear and doubt speaking and trying to take away my assurance of God's control over my life, or whether it was actually something I needed to make right with God. He kept saying that God's hand is reached out towards me and that I need to choose to drop the chains that still hold me back from God's perfect and beautiful and holy and awesome and purposeful plan for my life. and it started really making sense to me, like YES it's the voice of satan telling me that i'm a failure, that i have no purpose, that God won't forgive me. But somehow I wouldn't believe it was a lie. I wanted to hold onto my feelings of self-hate and not living life. Those feelings had a pretty strong hold on me, not gonna lie. For so long I've let the devil get more and more of a foothold. I've let him whisper crap in my ear about not mattering to anyone, not having a purpose, being invisible, being horrible and ugly and everything else. I've taken it as the truth and implanted it into my mind until I believed every ounce of it. I've never realized it was satan trying to kill, steal and destroy me. Then later, Apps told me a story of a dream he had once. it's a man sitting in ashes in a prison cell dressed in rags. outside the prison cell is heaven. God sitting at the table with a huge feast. God comes over to the man in the prison cell and says, come to the feast i made for you! and the prison cell is open, but man sees it closed. man says 'God, i can't, i'm dressed in rags' and God says 'no you're not, look at yourself! you're beautiful! you're perfect! i love you!' but man looks down and only sees rags. He's blinded to the truth. I felt so pulled but yet so torn. I couldn't. This morning during worship they were singing this song "shout it out from the rooftops that I am Yours" and i got this sinking feeling in my heart that I couldn't sing that because i'm not completely God's. There's parts of me that I'm holding back from him. Still I was held back. Tonight, i was praying in that park with like 5 other students, asking God to speak to us for what we were about to do. We start praying asking for the presence of the Holy Spirit to fill us up and He came down in such a tangible way that we could all feel him. As I waited with my eyes closed I saw an arm outstretched. Like that famous painting where God's hand is reaching towards Peter's. Except I just saw God's hand. At that moment the chains of my heart broke. JESUS IS STRONGER!! I prayed, I gave every last part of me to God, I told Him how much i freaking love him because i do. I'm done trying to take care of my own life, because it doesn't work. the devil had his chance but that is over. I belong only to God and every last part of me is His to control and take care of. And I'm gonna work on not even letting that stupid devil get even one little tiny foothold in my mind. Because life's worth living because Jesus is in it. Jesus is it. He's all I want, He's all I need, He's the real deal. I took his hand tonight for real and I'm never letting go. I cant remember the last time I was this pumped about life. It's actually been never.
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