Forgive and Release....Freedom!

So this last week of DTS was our 4th week of DTS, but our 3rd week of lecture - because the first week was orientation week. I know I'm not just speaking for myself when I say that last week was a tough week but also a super amazing week. Like I wrote in my last blog post, our speaker was Ezra Griffiths, the director of YWAM Orlando. After learning about the nature and character of God for a few days, the last 2 days were spent talking about our response to it - stuff about forgiveness, release, restoration, and reconciliation. We talked about God's ways of repentance and also about hurts or wounds in our past that we may be holding onto. About how holding grudges or unforgiveness in our heart, even without consciously thinking about it, destroys us. One quote that stood out to me about forgiveness when Ezra was teaching about it in class was "Forgiveness doesn't change your past; it only unlocks your future." Holding onto old hurts in your life, whether justified or not, keeps you from living your life to the fullest in your identity in Christ. Ezra said "We have the strength in Christ to break the bonds of our past - sometimes we just don't think we have the strength, and we don't choose to be free from it. Believing lies about yourself will hinder you in your walk with Christ." He taught about how when we hear negative things about ourselves, we start living out that identity and letting it become who we are. He talked about how we can break free by that by replacing the lies in our lives with the truth of who God says we are, etc.
"God, our FATHER, desires to restore you so that your past hurts and wounds no longer negatively affect your present and future! The devil wants us to dwell on our past and the things that have been done to us or the things we have done (bad choices etc). He wants us to stay in bondage to our past and therefore believe there is no future for us - that we are worthless. God's plan - RESTORATION. Restoration means to make you brand new. 2 Corinthians 5:17. If you're in Christ, you're a new creation!"
So yeah, a lot of really relevant stuff in there about how to become free from your past. On Friday when we finished class we were supposed to split up into our small groups and go through this list Ezra gave us. For every name on the list (e.g. Father, mother, myself, friend, romantic partner, etc) we were supposed to ask God if there was anything that we were holding against that person in our hearts, and then speak it aloud and release that person to God and pray a blessing over them. It was supposed to go through the process of forgiveness - and by releasing and blessing the people invidually we would break off the chains that were destroying us by our unforgiveness. I think that as a DTS group it was a really hard day but also extremely freeing. Not everyone had huge things to forgive - sometimes it could be as basic as releasing a friend who talks about you in a negative way even when joking. The point was just to release people in your heart - anyone that you were in any way holding a grudge against. But there were some people who really experienced a breakthrough that day - for example, releasing someone who had done something horrible 7 years ago and had never been forgiven. For them, it was a day of real release and being done with the destruction of unforgiveness - in some cases, calling people or writing letters to make restitution for stuff that had happened years ago or even all their life! It was amazing to see people so happy by just the seemingly simple act of forgiving the people who had ever hurt them.
For me, I just couldn't really think of anything I needed to forgive anyone for. While everyone was in their small groups going through this forgiveness process, at one point I went to McD's for lunch with Ezra. I was telling him a bit about the way I felt that there was really nobody I needed to forgive for anything, and he said "I feel like the hardest person for you to release in your heart and forgive is yourself." We kept talking for awhile, but i didn't really process that until later. I realized that for me, that was very true. The person that I hate the most is actually myself. I've messed up my life and made bad decisions, and I hate myself for it. But I have kinda realized especially in class last week that self-hatred and telling yourself that God can't forgive you and can't use you is a huge trick that the devil uses to keep you stuck in a rut and keep you from fulfilling God's purpose for your life completely. So bit by bit, I'll work on forgiving myself - and also people in my life who have hurt me in the past. I just need to break the chains off my life and focus my eyes on God - so I can live my life in the complete fullness of who he made me to be!
After the forgiveness session got done on Friday, Jordan and Josh got baptized by Mark in the ocean! It was an amazing way to end the day and the week of class. Pretty much everyone on the base walked down to the ocean where both Jordan and Josh told everyone why they wanted to be baptized. We all watched as the two of them walked out into the deeper water with Mark and Wilson and were baptized right there in the Atlantic Ocean! Then at the last moment, Wilson decided to be baptized too. It was an awesome declaration of a new giving over of their lives to God and the beginning of a new start.
The weekend was a pretty normal one here at the base. On Sunday I went with Mark and a few other students to this megachurch in Jacksonville (30,000 members). It was a Baptist church and had a HUGE orchestra and a massive choir! It was a good service. Then on Sunday night we all went to Mark and Janet's house for a cookout, which was fun.
This week starting today we have Sean Yost as a speaker, and he's teaching on the topic of relationships. We've only had one day of class so far, but I really like him as a speaker too! So far he's been talking about our relationship with God and how it's a priority. Also about love, what it means, and how it's the central part of a relationship. Some good stuff from class today..."God wants us to learn to know Him and love Him - He wants our relationship with Him to be the basis of every relationship we have with each other."
"Most of the problems in the world are problems of relationship. Broken relationships - governments, spouses, God, children, friends, etc. So - we need to make having right relationships a priority! James 3:16, 4:1-3. Matthew 22:34-40. ALL = everything. Not just some! Love with everything you have in you. Love God, Love People!! The whole Bible is broken down into relationships. What relationships in your life do you need to re-align?"
"We live in a culture where we elevate self-promotion. That's not what Jesus' life was about and it's not what we're called to be. The law seeks limits, but love seeks outlets. Living by the law - we want to do the least possible amount we can get away with. Living by love - we want to do the most we can! We seek outlets to pour out love on the people we are serving."
So yeah, that's this week! This afternoon we have an outreach group meeting - we're starting to learn about Muslims and what they believe versus what we believe, about the culture and how to effectively witness in an Islam nation. I'm getting pretty excited about spending a few months in the Middle East! Also I can't believe that we're already a third of the way through the lecture phase....it doesn't seem nearly that long!
More song lyrics....:) This is getting to be a tradition. But there's this really amazing song that was played in worship a few days ago which just has the most beautiful lyrics! It's called "Beautiful Things" by Gungor.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new

Jordan's Baptism!

Josh's Baptism!

Wilson's Baptism!