The Power of Blood

This last week of class has been good, but the last day or so has been absolutely incredible. Our speaker for class this week was Art Collins, who by the way is such a great speaker. He makes time just fly by. The topic for the week was the Incarnation, Cross and Resurrection of Christ. But we took super long to get through the incarnation, and only started the cross today. We looked at all the prophecies that were predicted and fulfilled through Jesus' life on earth and his death on the cross. We looked at all the objections to the truth of the story of the cross and the validity of the Bible. I got so many new insights and evidence for the actual truth of the cross, and also learned alot in the incarnation about the Trinity and Jesus' dual identity as both God and man.
Yesterday afternoon, we had student led intercession. No staff there, and just us students were spending time, waiting for God to show us what He wanted us to know or see. I've struggled for a long time with life, life's purpose and reason and everything like that. Anyway, yesterday I randomly opened up a Bible and read this verse from Psalm 118:17: "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." For me that was amazing. It's like...a life purpose in a nutshell. Because that's really why we're here on this earth - to proclaim to the people who don't yet know what God has done for us! Later on in that same hour, I had my eyes closed and I saw Jesus' wrist on the cross, with a nail through his hand and blood dripping down his wrist. Then I saw his face and it looked so pained and full of such an incredible hurt. All of a sudden I realized that Jesus had that blood running down his wrist so I wouldn't have to. It's his blood that can give me a release, not my own.
Like I just can't believe what's even happening in my life. We're just finishing up the 2nd week of DTS and i already feel so different. I see God working all around me and I just can't get away from his engulfing love. He's breaking me but at the same time I feel like I'm being healed and washed and I'm becoming clean. It's such a new and such an amazing feeling.
Then tonight, oh my gosh. All of us students as a conclusion to the classes on the cross, watched the Passion of the Christ. I'd never seen it. Honestly at the beginning I was fighting to stay awake, I was tired and it just wasn't that interesting. But as it went along it wasn't long before it started gripping me. I was absolutely blown away. I just had absolutely no idea. I've never seen it or thought it to be so real. i couldn't even describe right now the emotions that went through me because of that movie. There were parts where I literally wanted to get up and scream. I don't think my mouth closed pretty much the entire movie. My heart hurt so much. it was absolutely indescribable. It's just depicted in such a way that oh my gosh, it blew my mind. I just cannot even imagine the pain and the hurt and the mocking and every single thing that Jesus took without even complaining once, without a single thought of anger. He had the power of God, He could've stopped them at any point. But He didn't. He chose to be whipped senseless and kicked to the ground over and over again. He chose to have his blood splattered all over the place. He chose to fall under the weight of carrying His own cross. He chose to be left entirely alone. He chose to allow His own creations to kill Him! He chose to be separated from His Father. I just don't see what He could've possibly seen in me that He would want to do that just to save me, of his own free will. Like I honestly do not know the meaning of love, because that is love. And everything else just seems to miniscule and unimportant compared to what Jesus did on that cross. We're scared to tell other people about Jesus because they might think we're weird. But how stupid is that when you think of what Jesus went through! The most excruciating, dragged-out horrible torture and death you could ever imagine. I could not possibly love Jesus nearly as much as He obviously loves me. I just can't see a way that I could continue living life the same. I just couldn't. Jesus has literally given me life, and there's no way I can take it for granted. I've gotta give Him back everything He's so lovingly lavished on me. I can't see myself doing anything else with my life other than using every moment of every day to serve Jesus and try my very best to do exactly what He wants me to do. After the movie ended nobody moved for awhile, and then people just slowly started leaving quietly. I didn't move from where I was sitting for a good 45 minutes. I was just absolutely speechless. Seeing Passion of the Christ changed the way I view the cross. I seriously never knew just how real and horrible that was. People are all about cross necklaces and cross this and cross that, but I for one never realized what was all entailed with the cross, the central point of everything we believe in. I've been to Israel, I've walked down that same road Jesus walked carrying His cross. I've been to his tomb and Calvary and Gethsemane and everything. But then it meant nothing to me. Now I just can't describe how much the cross breaks me inside. I don't think I will ever see it the same way again.