Walking Away

Which is what I'm doing in 4 hours - walking away. Running away? Maybe. Sometimes I think so. Other times I'm not sure what I'm doing. But what I do know is that for right now, I'm leaving. I think that's a bit more obvious to pretty much anyone other than me. I mean, I've known that I'm going. But I haven't really done anything to get ready until today. I've just been busy with the normal stuff that I've always done. Working the same job, seeing the same people and going the same places. I don't even think it really hit me that I was actually leaving until Saturday when I worked my last day at the lumberyard. Everyone was talking about how I was leaving and wishing me well and being way too nice. I was all of a sudden like "woah, this is the last time i'm gonna see these people that i've seen every day for such a long time in the same place." It was so weird. On Saturday night I went to this thing called Worship Invasion with a friend. It was such a super cool way of worshiping God that opened my eyes to something new. It felt like kind of a preview of the huge kaleidescope of experiences I'm headed for in the next 5 months. Then on Sunday, I went to a going-away party and went swing dancing for a girl who's headed to India for a YWAM DTS. She's leaving 2 days after me. It was lots of fun and a great chance to see a few friends before I left.
Today was a bit of a crazy day. I spent the morning packing for my horse, moving him to the place he's gonna stay for the 5 months, and bringing a huge supply of hay over there for him. Then I got a few errands and stuff cleared up, and packed. It took me less than an hour, which is a bit ridiculous considering I packed for almost half a year. I probably forgot a whole pile of stuff, but it doesn't really matter.
Then tonight I spent the evening with my best friend Jenna. I knew she was definitely the person I wanted to spend my last night in Canada with, and it was amazing. I got to see Kat for a bit while she studied, and then we went out for dinner. We laughed and talked more than we ate. Then we decided to drive to Silvercity and see a movie. We watched Cowboys and Aliens, and it was a super jumpy type scary movie. We were spazzing out so much. When that was over I could finally breathe again, so we laughed some more and talked even more and drove back to abbotsford and got coffee. All of a sudden she said "I have something for you.." and pulled out this box. A box of letters. Letters from people who I love and who mean something to me. Letters from people she didn't even know, but she knew me well enough to know the part they played in my life. I can't even say how floored I was. I was especially amazed by the fact that she knew me well enough to know that what matters to me are relationships and special words from special people. I haven't read the letters yet because I'm not supposed to read them until I get to Jacksonville. But I can't wait to read them! After I dropped Jenna off at her house, I cried all the way home. I've had a lot of heartbreaking goodbyes in my life, and this was definitely one. But not because I won't see her again, because I will. In just 5 months. I'm just sad that I have to leave behind the amazing jewel of a bestfriend that I somehow ended up with. And I have so many people in my life like that - people who care, people who don't leave even when I suck, people who are there no matter what, people who want to share in my life just because they care. and I literally don't know where I would be without each and every one of those people in my life. I've learned so incredibly much from them and I would be lost without them.
But now, I'm leaving. I'm walking away. If even for a pretty short time like 5 months, I'm going. Leaving the familiar places, familiar people, familiar lifestyle. Walking towards something that is still a vague outline in the distance. But something that I think is going to be radically life-changing.
Looking around my room I see some of the things I'm leaving behind. My grad cap is somewhere under a pile of clothes. Textbooks are laying beside my desk with a thin layer of dust already on them. My painting jeans and my work shirts are beside my bed. Horse dewormer and show ribbons are on top of my desk. My snowboard is leaning up against my wall. Music binders, trophies, and medals are laying around. My closet doors are full of pictures of my friends. They all represent stuff I'm leaving behind. Stuff that's been my life up until this point, and won't be for the next 5 months at least.
What am I walking towards? I'm not sure yet. At this point, it's all about walking away. Which is probably easier for me than for some people, because I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for a new fresh perspective and a new spin on life. I'm ready to learn life lessons and make a difference. I'm ready to meet new people and have an absolutely amazing time with them. I'm ready to start a brand new adventure and come out of it a radically different person. Not because of the place I'm in or even necessarily because of the people I'm with, but because of what God's gonna do.

Walking Away

Well, ready or not, i'm leaving. Goodbye Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada....Hello Jacksonville Beach, Florida, USA!